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 Santa Banta Jokes

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just_asim
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PostSubject: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:53 am

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:56 am

Santa came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Jeeto, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Banta", he demanded.

"No !" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked.

"No !!!" she said even more upset.

"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Jeeto snapped.
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:58 am

Banta was not home at his usual hour, and his wife, Preeto, was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was Banta, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.

He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house."

Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"

Banta's answer was, "A round of drinks!"
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:59 am

Banta's driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.

When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there's hardly standing room anywhere.

Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.

When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he's ever had right there in the hole.

Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.

"What happened!?!" says Banta.

The bartender responds "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?!"
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:01 am

Banta's driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.

When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there's hardly standing room anywhere.

Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.

When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he's ever had right there in the hole.

Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.

"What happened!?!" says Banta.

The bartender responds "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?!"
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:03 am

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, What?" Banta says.

The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

"Fish! What fish?" Banta responds.
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:05 am

A man from Lahore was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.

Santa told him how to get to Shimla.

The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"

"Yep", Santa answered.

"How big is it?" asked the tourist.

"Well, it starts down the road there where the creek is and follows the creek up and over the hill to about where you can see that big tree. Then it runs across back of the barn to a big pile of stones up yonder and then down along the fence there to the road up that way."

The tourist smiled and said, "Well, that's a nice place. Let me tell you about my place out in Lahore. I can get into my car and start out from one end of my property just as the sun is coming up in the east. I can drive all-day and just as the sun is setting in the west I reach to other end of my ranch. What do you think of that?"

Santa thought for a second or two, and then said, "I had a car like that once."
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:07 am

A man from Lahore was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.

Santa told him how to get to Shimla.

The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"

"Yep", Santa answered.

"How big is it?" asked the tourist.

"Well, it starts down the road there where the creek is and follows the creek up and over the hill to about where you can see that big tree. Then it runs across back of the barn to a big pile of stones up yonder and then down along the fence there to the road up that way."

The tourist smiled and said, "Well, that's a nice place. Let me tell you about my place out in Lahore. I can get into my car and start out from one end of my property just as the sun is coming up in the east. I can drive all-day and just as the sun is setting in the west I reach to other end of my ranch. What do you think of that?"

Santa thought for a second or two, and then said, "I had a car like that once."
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:08 am

Banta was driving back from Shimla when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hailstones the size of tennis balls pelted his car leaving it full of dents.

He drove to the nearby automotive center and asked what he should do. The mechanic explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least Rs 5,000 to repair. Banta said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.

He decided to have a little fun and said, "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out."

Banta decided to give it a try before spending that much money. He drove home and was in the garage with his lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when his neighbour Santa came over to visit.

"What are you doing?" asked Santa.

"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained Banta.

"Well silly, it's not going to work," replied Santa.

"Why not?" asked Banta.

"Because you've got to roll up the windows first."
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:10 am

Santa and Banta, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant.

While looking at the menu, Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.

"What would you like Santa?" he asked.

"I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish," Santa replied.

"Santa, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish," Banta said.

"What do you know," answered Santa, "I'm getting it."

"Santa, I'm telling you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!" Banta exclaimed.

"I’m getting it and that is the last word!" says Santa.

A short while later the meals arrive at the table.

Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta, “Where are my eggs?”
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:13 am


Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

Santa says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:17 am

Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: "Thanks for the beer!"

Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one."

Well he still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, "Enjoy, I just spit into the beer." He then ran outside to see what had happened.

When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it.

However this time the note said: "You enjoy, I spit in it too!"
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:18 am

Santa is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room doesn’t flush so he runs to the lobby to use the men’s room but none of the stalls are free. He runs back to his room ,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then he puts the plant back and leaves. A week later he gets a postcard from the hotel that says” Dear Sir……all is forgiven…..just tell us…….where is it?”
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:20 am

Once Santa brought his girlfriend home for dinner. This was her first time meeting the family so she was tremendously nervous. This along with the broccoli she ate gave her a little gas so she let out a small noiseless fart but it turned out to be loud enough for the family to hear. Right then Santa’s father shouted at the dog sitting next to her chair, “Ginger!”. She was relieved. Next time she let out a louder one and again Santa’s father shouted at the dog, “Ginger!” he said. Finally she let a really loud one out that sounded like a train whistle and the father said “Ginger!!!!! Move from there before she shits on you!!!”
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:22 am

Inappropriate things that Santa tells his kid
-Beta why is a cemetery so popular?
Everyone is DYING to get in.
-Beta do you need a hand with that?
Haan papaji
Santa starts clapping.
-After watching his son slip on the slide, Santa says, “Happy journey Beta!!!!”
-Santa’s son asks for 100 bucks.
Santa says “ 50 bucks? What do you need 20 bucks for?”
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:23 am

Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what happened?
Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:25 am

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:26 am

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:27 am

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:28 am

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:29 am

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:30 am

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks, for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa. 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:31 am

Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:53 am

A Teacher was lecturing on Population Explosion - "In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid."
Santa stood up and said - "we must find & stop her!".
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PostSubject: Re: Santa Banta Jokes   Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:54 am

Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
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